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Thread: My sad experience

  1. #1
    Silver Member Contributor Level 5 Remuslupin's Avatar
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    My sad experience

    I am not pointing fingers, nor am I speaking about anyone here specifically. This post is based mainly on my own experience, but also what I have observed with many, many others over the years.

    I notice many people having the same difficulty as I have had in leaving a toxic relationship, and I wonder why?

    Marriage commitments, financial entanglements and children aside, WHY is it SO hard to leave?

    Is it because a toxic person gives us breadcrumbs of hope for positive changes and therefore, the hope for a more positive relationship?

    Is it because we hope that person will change, IF we talk to them, reason with them, explain to them, and work WITH them on changing the disrespectful, disgusting and despicable behaviors we don't like and which hurt us?

    Is it because SOMETIMES they are loving and kind, and therefore, we decide we can put up with the bad times because there are also good times?

    OR, is it because we ultimately fear being alone?

    Is it because we're SO unhappy and SO miserable by ourselves in our own lives, that we therefore cling onto ANYONE and ANY relationship that serves as a lifeline and life preserver so that we don't have to face our own misery alone?

    I know that whenever I have fallen into the trap of an abusive and/or toxic relationship, that I have not been happy on my own. Each and every single time.

    And it's literally been the very next person who pays me attention or who showers me with their interest, I've ended up being in a relationship with. And usually, it's turned out to be toxic and/or abusive. That's been my personal experience at least.

    And I think that MANY people find themselves in a very similar, vulnerable place in life, facing this exact same issue, making it SOOOOO much harder to want to leave, even if the relationship is toxic.

    Desperation also makes it harder to be more discerning in the beginning stages of a relationship. If we're desperate, we overlook, dismiss and ignore all the red flags.

    In my own life, I've learned through many, MANY hard experiences, that it IS far better to be alone and face my loneliness than to be unhealthy psychologically and emotionally in a relationship and/or abused.

    When you're being abused or when you're in a toxic relationship, your mental health suffers, your self-esteem and self-worth suffer, and ultimately, it's most unhealthy for one to continue living that way. It makes one feel toxic themselves.

    Facing our fears of being alone, facing and resolving our misery, is what needs to happen instead.

    And the hope for positive change in a toxic person? That will NEVER materialize. Or at least, VERY RARELY.

    A toxic person typically will NOT see their behavior, they will NOT own up to their poor behaviors, and they RARELY change.

    Sure, they may change for the short-term, but not for the long-term. They will inevitably revert back to the toxic or abusive behaviors.

    And putting up with the bad behavior simply because there are good times too? Well, if those poor behaviors are effecting one's mental health negatively, it's time to cut the cord.

    One of my oldest and dearest friends said to me once, ""you cannot fall in love with a person's POTENTIAL"". They are who they are, and you must love them for who they are NOW, not for who YOU WANT THEM TO BECOME.

    That always rang true for me and has stuck with me ever since.

    This post is meant to help people having a tough time leaving a toxic relationship, and also to inspire discussion, if people want to contribute.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Contributor Level 4 xeren6's Avatar
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    You know dating online can be painful sometimes. When you are far away from someone you love, it can be difficult to keep your imagination in check. When your partner is out without you and having fun, it can be easy to second-guess them and let jealousy get a foothold in your mind. Being in a long-distance relationship forces you to recognize and confront some of these types of insecurities. It lets you practice trusting and being trustworthy. I am fond of use dating sites from https://wizzlove.com/reviews/swingers-date-club-review

  3. #3
    Silver Member Contributor Level 5 Remuslupin's Avatar
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    Online dating can be especially beneficial for people living in remote rural areas since those people often only have rather limited access to potential partners.

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    It's a pity. I also think that it is important to find a good online dating site to chat with interesting people. That is why I can advise to find foreign chat singles on sofiadate where are a lot of different interesting people to make it. On this site you can find a lot of people to communicate with, which is really insane. I recommend this wonderful feature if you want to stay updated with different people.

  5. #5
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    And I had a similar situation.

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